According to the latest edition of the Asheville Citizen-Times dated 3 June, Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean announced the selection of the State Blogger Corps, “a 55 member group that will be seated with state and territory delegations during the convention.”
AlphaLima is not among the fifty-five.
Frankly, I am stunned. And I would imagine that many of you gentle readers are similarly incensed. If you want to band together and form some sort of a heroic virtual movement to apprise Howard Dean of his mistake, have at it!
He doesn’t know what he is missing. Here’s what the Democrats would get:
Man on the street/Man on the floor reporting. One time a friend of mine in the Mile High City got his truck towed when we inadvertently parked illegally at a Rockies game, and we were right there on the street that time. I have been on the streets of Denver. I’d work to track down the perspective of Marine Preacher Man who used to (and may still) hang out down there on the 16th Street Mall. I’d try to track down the gentleman who was “Krossed Out” at the McDonald’s on the aforementioned mall in 1992 or so, too. For those of you not hip enough to remember, Kris Kross was a prepubescent gangsta rap duo who soared to prominence in the early 90’s, largely on the back of their hit single, Jump. Anyhoo, one of their strokes of haberdashery genius was to wear their outfits backwards, i.e., “krossed out.” The guy at the McDonald’s was probably twenty-five, and at the time I wanted to know what would possess a grown man to emulate fifth graders (no matter their high degree of street cred). Marine Preacher Man and Krossed Out Grownup are both men on the street. And finally, they’d be heard in the blogosphere in an AlphaLima exclusive.
Fair and balanced reporting. If Howard Dean et al get me a ticket to Denver and set me up with all the fancy to blog at their convention, well, I will very well blog that O’bama 08 is indeed the Messiah who will make bread and stuff. Like.
Sheer volume. I am no stranger to madcap, gutteral yells. I am practically Howard Dean’s blood brother. Remember that time in Iowa when Howard Dean gave that crazy yell? Well, it would be just like that all over again except I’d be doing it from the floor of the convention. Hip-and-with-it-vibe bonanza. From Axl Rose to the Avetts, yelling goes over big with the young people.
Appropriate attire. I can scrounge up a funny hat somewhere. When I was in the 8th grade, I was one of the winners of the funny hat contest at our middle school. Enough said.
Elephantlike memory. Basically, I can remember pretty good all the attack biz that Bush et al leveled against McCain during his first run for the Presidency–remember, the one where he ran on a fairly moderate platform? Well, back in 2000 he had some issues that might very well come back to haunt him. Like how he fathered a black child, how he was so susceptible to skin cancer that any day now his head was going to fall off, how he was so old he farted dust?!!? Do you remember those chinks in his armor? Well, so do I, and I’d be glad to blog about them from the cozy confines of the convention.
Howard Dean, you are messing up by leaving me out of the esteemed State Blogger Corps. Give me a call, and I’ll be right there wit ya. AlphaLima–Audi 5000*
*I just ooze so much street cred my skin breaks out on occasion. “Audi 5000″ is a street credible way of bidding adieu** to fellow street smart, hip people like the Ice T character on that one cop show. I am pretty much exactly like Ice T.
**I had to use this decidedly un-street-credible phrase to educate the literati among us–let me again take this opportunity to underscore my much-valued-by-younger-voters street credibility. See? No harm done, Howard.
